It’s hard to put yourself out there when you’ve lived your life in an small, quiet, isolated way.
When I sat down to start a website about myself with thoughts of personal growth, I’ve struggled with the motivations I had. Is this pure vanity? Is this utter boring drivel that no one would read? What was the goal?
I have a list of reasons not to. Such as: [1] I hate putting a spotlight on myself. [2] I hate sounding like a victim. [3] I overthink about what people other think. [4] I doubt myself.
But I have this other problem. I have things I have wanted to share and do in life. I have always believed in big things for myself (which I will talk about over coming weeks). For nearly all my life, I’ve allowed myself to stay small – and it’s a negative mental framework to live within. If you happen to know me personally, you’ll attest – I’m a distant, far away, quiet figure. It’s like I don’t exist.
I’ve exhaustively explored why I’ve lived this way – and there’s a lot I could say, but here’s the bottom line; I’m done with that.
It’s completely personal and goal oriented. It’s my realization that a shift from living small to living big comes from action. The concept is much like the “butterfly effect”, where it start with picking up a pebble that lays helpless and doing something with it to start a reaction.
Throw it in a pond and see the ripple. Roll it down a hill and cause an avalanche. Make it the first of many pebbles, that is used as an aggregate for something big, solid and meaningful.
This is my Pebble Project. It’s my start.
I’m no expert. But I think a lot of people feel this way. There’s a lot of people who feel alone.
Clearly, there’s lots of reasons for these feelings/thoughts. There’s a lot of ways to deal with it too. While this is MY Pebble Project, you’re welcome to join me in your own way.
I don’t know even what this will become – but I do know that’s I’m going to find out.
To other people, it might not seem like a big thing. But coming from someone who shares almost nothing on Social Media, and is socially isolated – this is walking straight into a place I avoid. But this is why I’m doing it. It’s personal healing, growth and daring to take a chance on who I think I am and what I have to offer.
I have a story that most people don't know. There's lessons that come from it; vulnerability invites people into those lessons. It's a catalyst to conversations. I want to welcome that.
I'm someone who loves my own company (not a bad thing). But friendship and community is important. I'm missing this.
The big picture? I'm gonna write stories and make books. It's coming. But a part of creative writing is exercising your voice. I'm gonna write daily this year as a practice. Every day - to build a habit, to gain confidence in my voice and ability, to challenge my doubts.
Just a practice of sharing "me". The things I am passionate about, care about and that bring joy - to myself - and hopefully by extension, other people.
It takes a single pebble to cause an avalanche.
- Said a Lot of People
At this stage, it’s so much smaller than my dreams or ambitions. I want to feel fulfilled by my purpose and how I spend my time. When waking up in the morning feels deflating and exhausting before you even start, you know something needs to change.
I’ve started something that I need confidence to chase and complete; I’m writing stories and making artwork. I’m making courses for small business owners and entrepreneurs (on a budget) to brand their own businesses. I’m wanted to step into unknown arenas and see what could happen.
So from pebble to avalanche – this project is for me. I’m tossing one up. I’m ready!
© James Rozak 2023